Late Night Confessions: Modern dating ruining romance?

SJTX7885.jpgA piece of Graffiti artwork along the streets of Tel Aviv, Israel

Tinder. Bumble. Clover. Hinge.

All of these names have one synonymous thing in common and it rhymes with fading hopes …

Wait, what? Okay maybe not rhymes, per se, but sure does mirror my sentiments in regards to this topic.

Yup, that’s right — they’re all dating apps.

I’ve always said I was born in the wrong generation. I feel more in tune with older music, inspired by older style, and relate to older movies. I feel the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s were the best of times for a lot of things — and I wasn’t even alive to experience them! However, with the great introduction and further advancement of technology, things drastically changed. I will say most things changed for the better but for others … not so much.

I feel this type of advancement which spurred the creation of dating apps, has altered the definition of what new and upcoming generations consider to be romance. In all honesty, I’m a little on the fence with it all.

On one hand, I’m hypocritical for bashing it, considering I’m a consistent user of all of these services. However, I feel I can still show my disdain for it’s a tedious, tiring, and (most of the time) upsetting process. First you have to make some sort of connection (which is of the superficial persuasion for most of these apps), then if you connect you have to get the conversational ball rolling. Easier said than done … considering most messages I receive are often explicit in nature asking for sexual favors or requests without even having typed the words, “Hello”.

If you get through that stage and survive without having those types of messages thrown at you (especially upfront) — it becomes a test to see how far you can keep things going  … until you get up the nerve to meet in person. Once you do and all goes well, it only becomes more of a challenge. You’d think, “Sure Brittany, it’s a little less intimidating now since you’ve already met, had a great time and have seemed to hit things off. Shouldn’t this be getting easier, not harder?” Unfortunately … in my experience, no. I’ve reached this stage numerous times with those exact sentiments, but as past experiences have shown me, it doesn’t go much further than that. Most guys I’ve met up with have been really great and perfect gentleman the first few dates. However, once it started to progress … sooner or later I’d be ghosted (which is a millennial term for “dropping all forms of communication with someone who you were once interested in and deleting all of their information so you no longer have contact with them and act as if they never existed”).

ghosting1.jpg

Now — don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset by it! I mean, okay, I’m only human — I was hurt for a while … but then I realized something.

Why am I getting upset over these guys — who were once perfect strangers — and letting their actions and opinions decide my worth or my potential? It’s stress and time I’ll never get back, while also fueling a useless amount of self-doubt that doesn’t help a damn thing.

I want love and affection just as much as the next girl — however, I told myself that I’d never settle. I never wanted to get a half-assed attempt at anything — especially where my love life is concerned (albeit non-existent one) haha. I (and everyone else who has ever been ghosted) deserve so much more than that — and I know with some time, patience (SO MUCH PATIENCE … like EONS of patience 😉 ), and self-discovery — we’ll get our romance! 🙂 I know there are guys out there who don’t act like this [ghosting] and it’s just searching through this ever expansive, technologically advanced haystack to find the sharpest, hottest I mean honest, funniest, and sexiest needle in it. 😉

As these and more dating apps continue to be created and expand in growth, I hope new and upcoming generations learn from these experiences. Ghosting shouldn’t become the new normal. We need to take back the art of conversation — lose the meaningless small talk and expand our horizons by divulging in new experiences. I hope we’re the generation to change the new hook-up-only culture — bring back commitment and doing activities besides “Netflix (along with other providers) and Chill.” I will say, one positive thing about these services is being able to meet someone who you might never have met, considering they could be on or from the other side of the world!

I’m hoping as I figure out my way through the real world, that it will somehow get easier. I’ve heard many dating app success stories and even seen a few happen to very close friends! So, with that knowledge it still gives me some hope that maybe it isn’t all so bad.

However, I still think — is it too much to ask for a real-in-person connection? … so I can eventually be just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

But for now … shopping, ice cream, and boys in books will do 😉 .

Keep your heart open,

xo – Britt

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